‘Masquerades’ and ‘Restrictions’
Did you know that among my doula account Instagram followers, the topic of postpartum depression and anxiety generated the most interest?
Of all the things that new mamas face in the weeks after having a baby: sleepless nights, breastfeeding discomforts, healing, fluctuating emotions, family adjustment—that postnatal mood issues was the number one topic of interest in our end of year poll.
In the last few posts on my biz Instagram account, westenddoulacare, I have been addressing some ideas related to postpartum depression and anxiety. This I have done through the amazing and most helpful work of Karen Kleinman, in her book Therapy and the Postpartum Woman.
In just the first two chapters, called, ‘Masquerade’ and ‘Everything Gets in the Way,’ she elucidates on two significant obstacles that can prevent new mamas from seeking the help they may need if they are experiencing postpartum depression and/or anxiety.
Generally speaking, we, as new moms, can find it incredibly necessary to broadcast an image of complete control and togetherness. If we perceive there is chaos at home: a colicky baby, nights without sleep, sore nipples, pain from delivery, fatigue that won’t stop, then what we usually choose to do is make our outside look pulled together–it’s the only thing we know to do to retain some kind of control over our lives.
This is what Kleinman points out in the first chapter, ‘Masquerade.’
For many women this can work in helping them move forward during those crazy initial postpartum weeks until life evens out.
For some women however, who experience depression, this is not sustainable. And this darkness can begin anywhere between 6 weeks and 6 months postpartum.
Kleinman says, ‘There’s an undeniable loss of control that is so hard to bear that it forces women to make a choice between two options: give up completely or fake it. When giving up isn’t an option, creating an illusion of control becomes their sole driving force.’
A qualified therapist, such as, can help a new mother let go of her control, in order to address her emotional and mental needs.
Similar to keeping control, a new mama who is struggling can find it difficult to link having a new baby with psychotherapy. It’s possible that if she connects being a new mother with therapy, her role as a mother can become ‘pathologized.’ This is what Kleinman explains in her chapter, ‘Everything Gets in the Way.’
And if this is so, a mother can find reasons why she should resist therapy. It’s just too difficult to face.
New mothers can say, “It (seeking therapy) is a weakness.’1 But what if she was able to reframe ‘the decision to seek support as a strength of character?2’ This can help the struggling mother ‘refocus and proceed with greater conviction.’3
New mothers can say, “It costs too much money.’4 Yes, it is true that good therapy can eat into the family budget. But consider: ‘the cost of not treating a major depression is much higher. Untreated postpartum depression can have severe consequences, not only for the mother, but also for her child and the entire family.’5
New mothers can say, ‘It means I’m crazy.’6 But ‘postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis are very different illnesses.’ They are different maladies. ‘Women with postpartum depression do not become psychotic; they do not snap and lose touch with reality. They may feel as though they are going crazy, but they are not.’7
Lastly, new mothers can say, “It means I’m not a Good Mother.’8 If a mother is struggling with feeling very down and depressed, how can she know this isn’t just part of being a new mom? An effective therapist can help treat the depression; from there the symptoms of depression can get better and they no longer will be subject to the depressive thoughts and feelings. An effective therapist will ‘help her separate her symptoms from who she is as a person and lift some of the burden she carries with her into the therapy.’9
1-9Kleinman, Karen. Therapy and the Postpartum Woman.
