The New Normal

After my first child was born in 1986 I remember looking in the mirror at myself about 4 weeks postpartum and feeling shocked at how my figure had changed. My hips were fuller and my backside bigger. I couldn’t believe my body had changed that much. And I wasn’t too happy about it!

That figure turned out to be a permanent fixture in my body. I went on to have 4 other children, and it seemed with each pregnancy, those hips and bum got the littlest bit bigger.

Eventually I had to face the fact that this full figured look was pretty much handed to me. What was I going to think about it? Would I embrace it? Or reject it? And by the way, what in the world had happened to the me I remember as a young, prepregnant woman?

When one is pregnant, there is a sense that one loses part of one’s self. Emotionally it’s a strange combination of happiness knowing you are carrying this little life, mixed up with uneasiness of having the feeling that your body has been somewhat hijacked. It is not ‘just you’ anymore. It’s you, plus a dependent being. In the process, many women may feel, ‘where did me go? How do I embrace this new way of life? Will I ever feel like me again?’

‘Forewarned is forearmed’ as the saying goes. Although you are certainly not heading into rigorous combat, you are entering an unknown territory, especially with a first baby.

So a little reconnaissance and supply building will be necessary. Meaning, knowledge and support! If you can ‘arm’ yourself with knowledge and support, the weeks following the birth of your baby won’t seem as unfamiliar or alien, had you not prepared at all.

Part of knowledge is to ready yourself for what you may be feeling and experiencing after birth. Over the decades much has been documented in the area of a woman’s feelings, thoughts, health in her postpartum weeks. We can benefit from the stories of the sister mamas whom have gone before us.

In the co-writing role in her book Becoming Mama, author Diana Spalding says this,

“But always remember that you are still you: a woman with a history all of her own, a woman who has just shared her body with a growing life, a woman who has just given birth, a woman who is settling into her new role as a mother, a woman who now needs to heal from those massive feats of giving and becoming.”

Even with all of the changes coming your way, you are still you, deep down. The question is, how will you adapt to the change?

Aha! This is where support comes in!

In my experience, it is vital to the well being of a new mom to have connections to those around her: with her spouse/partner, with family, with friends. Or even in non intimate circles–how about books and podcasts?

More specifically:

Do you have a female family member who can attend to you, be with you during your postpartum weeks?

If not, do you have a close female friend who can do the same?

What about a postpartum doula? She can provide compassionate and non judgmental care in your home.

Are you a member of a church, temple or other faith community that can come alongside you?

If not, are you a member of some other type of close knit community?

Is there anyone you know who can stand with you and by you as you enter this new territory?

Can mama friends recommend good reads to help you postpartum? Or some helpful podcasts?

Are there newborn and parenting classes in your area? If you are breastfeeding, do you have access to a lactation consultant?

These people and sources of information can help you get started in your ‘new normal.’

Don’t go it alone. My own mother came to me each time one of my babies was born, and her help was invaluable. In later pregnancies I had a dense community of friends and neighbors who not only supported me, but my older children as well.

As far as my body, well, all these years later I am still learning to embrace it–I like to think of my full figure as representative marks of bringing five persons into this world ♥️